Snakes on a Blog

This post isn’t about a dream, this is about a waking nightmare!

Earlier this week, I stepped into the garage, hit the button to open the garage door, and saw this!

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Probably larger than life snake in our garage.

I wasn’t exactly sure what it was because we currently have a rope and bungi cord stuck in a tree out front and the first time I saw them, I thought they were a snake. So I walked through the garage as far away from the possible snake as I could and made it to the driveway. At that point I confirmed it was a snake but since it totally ignored me, I wasn’t sure it was alive. I’m pretty sure the scientific method for determining the health status of wild animals is throwing rocks at them, so I did that… but only small rocks because I didn’t want to accidentally hit it and make a squish. But first I took a picture (see above) and then cropped it, so it would look like I was closer and/or the snake was bigger. Then I threw the rocks at it and it didn’t move so I conlcuded it’s 1) got nerves of steel 2) a heavy sleeper or 3) dead. Since my testing did not result in any conclusive findings, I did what any responsible researcher would do and left my findings to be confirmed with a more qualified researcher. So, I trapped the would-be actor snake faking death in the nationally recognized dunno-if-it’s-dead-snake-trapping device (pictured below) and went to work but I did send a pictorial text to DSR so he could handle the situation when he got home.

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The containment device.

The non-snake-violated population would see this as an upside down trash can with two rocks on top.  It is actually a vermin certified, I don’t want to move it, in case it is alive and waiting to rear up and bite me, containment device. Snakes are sneaky like that.

This isn’t our first run in with desert dwelling belly rubbers… we had a snake in our backyard that escaped our brave screams by slithering under the house. We’re pretty sure it’s still there and growing to mammoth proportions. Maybe this is one her babies trying to make it on its own. Crap… now the mammoth snake is going to be mad and blame us. It will probably attack us in the night while we’re sleeping. (Sleeping = dreaming / See how I brought that story full cirlce?)

I wish nature would respect my boundaries… I’m thinking 10 miles from the property line is a respectful distance.

Update: The snake was in-fact dead. DSR saved us all with his 4 Iron and we can all sleep better knowing that… um, no, there’s no sleeping better. We live in the desert and these damn snakes think they have a right to warm up in our garage!

Back Flipping Belly Dancers

With Valentine’s Day in our recent past and while romance is still in the air, I thought it would be a good time to share a wedding dream. Some background info on this one… I had this dream about six months before my sister’s wedding.

ALE = my sister BWE = the groom

The dreams starts with me running late for my sister’s wedding and as an added bonus the directions she gave me are really bad so I’m also lost. As I’m driving around this run-down industrial dock area I see a tan building with several people standing outside eating hot dogs and figure that must be the place. I rush in through the “Wedding Performers Only” door and am immediately shoved down the aisle but I don’t have my flowers. There are several people at the back of the room but it’s totally disorganized and no one can find them so this really helpful policeman tosses me the flowers from his aunt’s funeral (not sure why he had those with him or why he was there but whatever). About half way down the aisle, I meet up with my assigned groomsman who thinks that rather than take my arm to lead me down the aisle he will just reach around and grab my ass. I’m not sure if this is something ALE has asked the groomsmen to do but I’m not comfortable with it so I keep trying to hook my arm through his arm but this hideous flower arrangement is stabbing me in the eye and knocking me off balance so what I actually end up doing looks like a weird square dancing routine. We finally get down the aisle and there isn’t anywhere for the attendants to stand so we all just sit down around this stage. The guests are sitting in folding chairs that were randomly strewn about and there are huge fans everywhere because the building is missing some walls and the air conditioning doesn’t work. It’s hot, everyone is complaining, and I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my flowers when the bride, ALE, makes her grand entrance. She comes walking in with the train of her dress all bunched up in her arms and shoved up to her neck, her hair is recovering from a wind tunnel encounter and I’m pretty sure she’s drunk. As she starts down the aisle this Middle Eastern music starts playing and a troupe of acrobatic, belly dancers dressed in black taffeta paint suits and silk veils come running out of hidden doorways and follow her down the aisle doing back flips. Quite entertaining. ALE makes it to the end of aisle, drops her train, and sits (falls) down on the stage. I guess the ceremony has begun because the people around me aren’t impressed and they keep talking about how the ceremony sucks. I have no idea what’s going on because I am trying to get the people around me to be quiet, get the flowers out of my eyes and turn the gigantic fan that’s right behind me the other direction because I am freezing. To top it all off, during the distraction of the belly dancing back flipping show the decorators came in and put a big dead palm tree right in front of me so now I can’t even see the ceremony. I’m not sure BWE was even there.

Then we jump to an exterior scene, ALE, a person I know in the dream but don’t know in real life and I are walking down the street. We’re not sure where we are going because ALE can’t decide if she wants to head off on her honeymoon, check-in at the reception or maybe just have a quickie with BWE but one thing she is sure about is that she needs gum. I tell her I don’t have any and she says, “That’s okay, I have this old asbestos on my teeth and I just scrape it off for chewing gum.” Then she starts scraping her two huge front teeth with her nail and when she gets a big enough wad of asbestos gum she pops it in her mouth and starts chewing. That’s when I woke myself up laughing.

I am happy to report that I was not late to my sister’s actual wedding but I was disappointed when I found out the back flipping belly dancers were not going to perform.